Friday, December 8, 2006

What Distraction?

Title: To Distraction
Authur: Stephanie Laurens
Series: The Bastion Club
Genre: Romance

ISBN: 9780060839109
# of Pages: 483
Published: 2006 Harper Collins

Began Reading:
December 2nd, 2006
Finished Reading:
December 5th, 2006

Back in the day when I was working in the book-slave trade, stacking endless amounts of tomes while ungrateful customers found their greatest pleasure in ruining my beautiful displays--a pox on their house! Right. So, back in the day when I was the only Indigo employee - except from that terrible Brenda - who would admit to reading a trashy romance once in a while... or two... or maybe even a few. Anyway, point is that whenever a customer walked in or called with a Romance question, the gang cried, " Nessa!" and I came calling.
On one of these particularly cruel afternoons, as I struggled to maintain order on the shelves, a call was transferred to me. "Romance call on line 2," they said. I picked it up. 'Hello?"
"Hi, is this Nessa? They said you were familiar with Romance novels?"

"Somewhat yes." I felt happy to find a proud kindred spirit.

"Yes, oh thank goodness. I live in Laval and I am dying to get a copy of Stephanie Lauren's Bastion Club Series Book 1 & 2. I called Chapters the other day and they promised to put two on hold but when I got there they had nothing! It takes me two hours to drive down and well... do you have any on hand. You know what I am talking about, don't you?"

Not a clue. "Of course. Laurens. Bastion Club." I nodded even though she could not see me. It felt better. More convincing. "Let me check the stacks - it'll be a sec."

Something was helping me that night becuase low and behold i found the two books in less than a minute and helped two other store clients along the way. Talk about multi-tasking.

"I've got them here in my hands!"

"Oh wonderful, don't let them go!" She was there 2 hours later on the dot. I gave her the two books and then we spent a good half hour filling up a cart of more romance for her to take home with her. "Let's make this worth my trip!" she told me.

I saw her to the cash and said my goodbyes. My shift was almost over and I was happy to be going home. As I went to my locker, my manager called me in. "Is there something wrong?" I asked.
"No". We were both suprised by that. "In fact, this is for you." My manager handed me a bag. Inside was book one and two of the Bastion club series - The Lady Chosen and A Gentleman's Honour - with a $10 bill inside. 'For the Great Help,' she wrote.

I felt a obligation to finish the entire series. To date, the first 4 were amazing - loved them. But then I got this one... the fourth. And that all changed.

The Series Scope: The Bastian Club's motto is to get married and fast with an outrageously sexy lady who has some brains and a little brawn. Someone they could tolerate for the next lifetime or so and could consider mixing 23 of their own chromozones with which to create another being. All the members are not friends but were secret spies in france during the Napoleonic wars. These British fellows, who somehow speak perfect French, don't seem to fit in with anyone really. They're too handsome and smart and masculine to mingle with the rest of the ton.

Dude #5's Gist: It's Deverell's turn to find the lady of his dreams and in To Distraction it's Phoebe Malleson. He sees her at a tea party with her nose in a book (that's the best part). What follows is a long, long courtship where Phobe has to get over her fear of men because of an incident from the past when she was cornered in a morning room. From then on she became convinced that all men were evil, that she would never marry and that she would help vulnerable women--maids and governesses in wealthy homes--escape. Why they have to escape & not just quit is beyond me. Deverall takes forever to figure out about this agency she operates to help these damsels in distress, and soon they enter the philanthropic work together as ... partners... Then they kill this bad guy who is selling maids and governesses to white slave traders and then they get married and mingle with the other Bastion Club success stories.

Best Part: Is probably also the worst. It's so bad I love it. On the back of the book they write, "Phoebe must accept Deverell's help...though the cost to them both might be dear--and deadly." Hahahahahah Ahahahahahah A hahahahaha AAAAAhahhaha. Thats soooo funny. It's amazing that even though the colour of the cover is fushia and marked with an X-rated picture they STILL make a pathetic attempt to pass this book off as a work of general fiction. Utter madness.

Worst Part: Deverell's loins. They never stop. Even when they are being attacked by goons, Deverell's penis just won't stop. No wonder they never think with their head...


Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

I love how awful it sounds!! hehe


Nessie said...

awful or aweful?

hahahahaha oh the sick humor. At least I can make company for myself.

TequilaGuy said...

Thank you.

Mr. Althouse said...

Can't say I'm much for romance novels, but I like your synopsis's (synopsi??).

Thanks for the kind words you left on my blog - and thanks for stopping by.


Nessie said...

Hahaha not necessarily my cup of tea either but its nice to diversify. Uusally I will read one a month unless I am having a The Month From Hell. Certain kinds of hell require certain kinds of desert books.

Follow me here? ;)

~QZ~ said...

wow, its been a long time since i read romance....i guess i gave it up after i realized it was such a reality sham, but it could be an amusing diversion.

thanks for stopping in at my blog..

Sheri said...

Bravo for you admitting to reading romance. Keep it real girlie.

Sheri said...

...I'll keep an eye out for Deverell's penis

Nessie said...

Don't worry Sheri - it's pretty hard to miss. ;)

Sara said...

ROFLMAO. That's almost enough to make me want to read it, even though I have a policy against reading books that are hot pink with neon blue writing.

Nessie said...

Is it bad that I have no clue what ROFLMAO... The shame. Let me crawl into my cave...